Resignation XVI

Plague

Raša Todosijević, 2008 Belgrade

If one day in your misty, always muddy and remote village, suddenly appears Black Death, the bubonic one, or one that comes together with Scandinavian rats named rattus-rattus, rattus norvegicus, then my secret formula which can help you remain strong, healthy and alive is:

In the gloom of the night, bring 9 old naked women to your home to weave or knit a shirt for you. The shirt should be made in perfect silence. The job has to be completed in one hour. When you put the miracle shirt on, viruses can’t hurt you. If you wish to protect someone who is dear to you, allow them to wear that unique blouse for a while. If you have a nose for commerce or, if you are hereditarily predisposed towards making money, you can generously lend the shirt to others for a small sum during the epidemic confusion. However, ethics don’t matter; even if you charge a tidy sum, tomorrow you will be proudly counted amongst the meritorious for lessening potential mortality in the village. You’re humanistic and a marvelous support is undeniable. Remember: Money and honor often go together and it is hard to split up one off from the other. Poor, slow and hesitant sister ethics, always looking for cosmic justice, they shall be noticed on the tail of the triumphal parade. Following the romantic idea that goodness has to prevail, she voluntarily chooses that modest and unrespectable position. Those who give at once give twice: even if it is inevitable to reimburse such caesarian promptness.

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In spite of the presence of qualified doctors from the Austro-Hungarian monarchy this recipe was still being used in Serbia in the first half of the 19th Century; of course not amongst the common folk, who had no cash to employ 9 old, undressed and diligent women, but exclusively by wealthy upper class Serbs.

Remember:

1… nine old naked women

2… in the gloom of night

3… weaving or knitting

4... perfect silences

5... shirts

6... money

7… 60 minutes of a canonical hour